Reflections on the Sky Mall magazine

Okay, so I'm going on thirty hours without sleep. I'm trapped in seat 8E for four hours. To my left, an older gentleman has removed his shoes, eaten his tuna fish snack, and appears to be practicing yoga. To my right, John's bunched up my discarded sweater as a makeshift pillow and is trying desperately to nap. Some movie starring...Kenny Chesney? Tim McGraw? Toby Keith? I dunno... Broken Something-or-other... is playing, but largely because the big head wearing what looks like a neon red cotton condom in front of me eclipses the TV monitor, I didn't spring the $5 for the headphones with the soundtrack.

It's hot and stuffy and my little air vent is broken (and I'm going to be forty... someday. whine.) Every time I consider napping, the toddler behind us starts wailing or a flight attendant fires up the intercom to announce that the restrooms at the front of the plane are for first class passengers only -- the great unwashed should proceed to the back of the plane to pee.

Desperate for something -- ANYTHING -- to entertain me for the next few hours, I pull out the Sky Mall magazine from the seat pocket in front of me and search for foodie items I didn't know I needed. Amongst the three thousand dollar wine storage and the vintage carnival popcorn popper/cotton candy maker combination, I find:

The Marshmallow Shooter(tm)on page 26 proclaims that its magazine holds 20 marshmallows, shooting them some 30 feet and provides LED (safe) laser to help pinpoint your target. Um... why? And what *will* they think of next?!? Read on...

On page 110, you too can purchase your very own president or historical figurine. And they'll *talk* to you. Abraham Lincoln. Hillary Clinton. JFK. Pope JP2. Albert Einstein. "W". Take your pick. Gotta wonder which "25 authentic phrases" they've recorded...

Moving steadily onward if not upward, for the lazy parent with copious disposable income, we have the Breakfix(tm) Cereal Dispenser. For 79.99, you can dispense the sugary cereal of your choice in premeasured portions at the push of a button. Fruit Loops anyone? Seventy. Nine. Ninety. Nine. Oy...

And lastly, the gift of the holiday season for the man or woman in your life who has *everything* -- an iPod docking station for the... um... throne room. With moisture-proof construction and four built in speakers.

Um. Yeah. It just doesn't get any better than that folks...

In *good* news, in the time since deplaning and drafting this masterpiece, I've eaten a solid meal and slept nine-solid hours. We're just a couple of hours away from boarding the ship. I'm off to wake John up and grab some breakfast.

Details on last night's dinner to come from some secluded spot on the Caribbean...

Technorati Tags: Reflections | Mindless Drivel | Kitchen Gadgets | National Blog Posting Month 2006